Constellations: Everything is Illuminated

On his way out the door, a friend of mine made it a point to pull up a chair next to me at the counter and recite his latest poems. I noticed his pocket notebook was thicker than the last. He said he had to make room for his future poems, especially when inspiration hit. One morning I woke up to a text message sent at 4 AM - a poem a friend wrote after waking up from a dream.

A friend thanked me for the advice that I didn’t give him. I merely told him that only he could truly know what he wanted or needed to do in his life. That trusting ourselves, our intuition, really is powerful if we take the time to listen. Apparently my “advice” was the best out of all his friends, the people who were telling him what to do. By tuning in and listening, the choice he made really deepened his relationship with himself.

The Sacred Unfolding, the free community grief circle that I started this month was a treat. People shared what they were grieving and in that, other people were able to recognize what else they were grieving and name it. It was a beautiful conversation space. I felt like I was watching new stars light up in the night sky. The curiosity people came with and the depths we were able to go with each other allowed for more space, and in that, there was joy, laughter, and smiles.

I talked about my grandma and how she’d been showing up. With our birthdays a day apart, someone asked if we had ever celebrated our birthdays together. A memory from when I was a young girl came back that I’d forgotten about. She had made me a beautiful birthday cake of a doll wearing a pink ballroom gown. I remember the cake being too beautiful to cut into and also really excited to eat some cake.

More memories came trickling in the next few days. Memories of crocheted blankets, dolls, barrel cactus, newspaper Jumbles, and more laughter. I felt like she’d been talking to me through figs! At a poetry reading the MC recited the poem, “To the Fig Tree” by Ross Gay. The next day, I dug out an oracle deck and pulled a card with a fig tree on it, reading “Fig Tree” at the top of the card.

A friend recently shared that facing her own mortality has changed her life. She’d sat out on her porch to listen and watch the rain, something she’d never done before.

On my way to the post office, I drove past one of my favorite parks. There are so many old trees, birds and flowers. Right before I turned a corner, I saw two geese and their five goslings walking around on the grass. I immediately pulled over. As I walked towards them, dodging the goose poop to get a closer look, they all hopped into the pond. They lined up, creating ripples in the water as they effortlessly glided through the murky water.

I opened my mailbox to discover birthday cards with birthday wishes, fun paper goodies and stickers.

I camped out in a different coffee shop where someone was playing the piano. Their dog was wandering the café as they played and eventually stopped at my table to smell my spicy chocolate chai, giving it an extra few whiffs before moving on. As I listened to the music, memories flooded back of me playing the piano when I was younger. The last time I played I was eighteen. I miss it and always thought I’d go back to playing, but haven’t yet.

I called into the Mortal Media Club, a monthly member gathering held by The Order of the Good Death. The featured guest was Dr. Aditi Sethi, a death doula, who was in the documentary The Last Ecstatic Days. I watched it back in 2024 while I was taking the class, A Year to Live. She created a home where a community could support people who need end-of-life care. Everything she shared about death and dying resonated with me. Death is a sacred passage and making space for that in a community of care where they tend to the dying and also each other is a beautiful act of love.

Emily Barnes, a local singer and songwriter, was singing on stage and I finally made it to her show. There was a richness and depth that I recognized and felt in her shares and stories. It’s like her words painted pictures in my mind as she spoke. Her perspective of the world around her and how she tunes into life, love, and the ordinary moments had me in awe. I wondered if we were friends in another life and sat on a porch somewhere noticing the way things illuminate in the moonlight.

I spent my birthday eve at another local venue for more live music. The event had been on my calendar for weeks. I was there early enough to enjoy some time outside on the patio, stare off into space for a bit, write, hear the hummingbirds clicking about, and watch the pink rose bush that looked like a tree sway in the breeze.

The opening band VYLLA was on tour from Germany. After setting up the stage, they did sound checks, and from what I heard, I knew it was going to be a great show. Amazing vocals, keyboards, bass guitar, and drums. The music moved my body and the synth sounds were phenomenal.

Shortly after the music started, I was joined by a friend and her two sons. Hugs all around, they sat down and we took in the music, talked between songs, got a little silly, laughed, and I learned a new card trick!

Another friend of mine arrived carrying a small gift bag and a card with my name on it. I was surprised to see him and had no idea he’d be showing up, let alone with a birthday present in hand. More hugs! My evening was getting better by the minute.

I introduced everyone, which was such a treat! Most of my friends have never met, which made this a special moment. We took fun pictures together, had some great laughs and we each pulled a card from the oracle deck my friend had gifted me.

My friend and her boys had to head home so we took a few more photos of us together. We said our goodbyes, followed by lots of hugs and I love yous.

I was treated to a birthday eve dinner at Illegal Pete’s while an eclectic mix of grunge and alternative rock played in the background. I was catapulted back in time, memories coming back from high school and listening to the Smashing Pumpkins, Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails and the Violent Femmes.

As we ate, we talked about psychics, Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure, astral projection, and 90s fashion coming back in style. After dinner, we stepped outside, my friend lit a cigarette and looked at his phone. He tapped my shoulder and as he showed me the time, said “Hey, happy birthday.” It was 12:01 AM.

After giving a psychic reading, I gained a new perspective and realized that I had been stuck. The shift in awareness helped me complete a task I had started a week earlier. I finished launching one of my newest offerings as a companion animal death doula.

I arrived a few hours early for a local poetry reading and found a cozy spot on the patio. From where I was sitting, I had a great view of people’s feet on the balcony above me. As I watched the foot traffic, I noticed a pair of dark blue socks with Ritz Crackers on them and caught a glimpse of the person wearing them.

I recognized him immediately. We’re part of the same writing circle where we see each other often. I walked up the steps and said hello to this amazing human, sharing that I loved his socks. I told him that I had a thing for fun socks and would show him mine except they were hidden under my Converse high-tops. Constellations were on my socks that day.

We talked about e-bikes, flying red capes, his cat, poetry, and what it felt like to hear our own voices out loud and the vulnerability in that.

He asked me about my black t-shirt with a ghost holding a cupcake on it, and I told him that I’d discovered months after buying it that it glowed in the dark. I’d been working from home one day and walked into the bathroom without turning on the light. I caught my reflection in the mirror and saw a green glow. The ghost was green with evil eyes and fangs. A favorite shirt I’d been wearing for six months before realizing it had another version of itself waiting in the dark.